As parents, we often feel the weight of responsibility to shape our children’s behavior. We want them to be kind, respectful, and responsible, and many of us were raised with the understanding that correction is the primary way to achieve that. Proverbs 22:6 tells us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” But how often do we pause to consider how that training should take place? Is it through strict discipline alone? Or is there a deeper, more transformational approach?

God's Model: Connection Before Correction

Throughout Scripture, God consistently demonstrates a model of connection before correction. Before confronting Adam and Eve about their sin, He walked through the garden calling to them, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9). Before instructing the Israelites on how to live, He first delivered them from Egypt and reminded them, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt” (Exodus 20:2). Even in the New Testament, Jesus models this beautifully—before calling Zacchaeus to repentance, He first invites Himself to dinner (Luke 19:5-10). Over and over, God initiates relationship before addressing sin, giving His people the opportunity to receive or reject His guidance.

If God, in His infinite wisdom, prioritizes connection with us before correction, why do we so often lead with correction in our parenting?

The Challenge of True Connection

Connection is more than just affection when a child behaves well or taking a cute photo when they’re happy. True connection means stepping into your child’s world—on their level, in their language, within their understanding of fun, frustration, and big emotions. It means sitting with them in their anger, their disappointment, and their joy, without rushing to correct, teach, or fix.

For many parents, this is incredibly difficult. Why? Because to fully connect with our children, we must wrestle with our own beliefs about worth and love. We must ask ourselves hard questions:

Is someone worthy of love if they are not behaving well?
Am I willing to connect with my child even if I don’t get the result I want—peace, quiet, obedience?
Can I sit with my child in their difficult emotions without controlling the outcome?

Connection as a Foundation for Growth

Psychological research affirms that connection is a foundational building block for both parenting and human well-being. Studies show that children who experience secure, responsive relationships with their caregivers develop better emotional regulation, stronger problem-solving skills, and healthier relationships as adults. In contrast, when children feel disconnected, correction alone can lead to resentment, anxiety, or rebellion rather than lasting transformation.

This does not mean correction is unnecessary. Rather, it means that correction is most effective when it flows from a place of secure connection. Children learn best from those they trust. When they know they are deeply seen, known, and valued, they are far more open to receiving guidance.

Reflect and Respond

Take some time today to notice what emotions arise when you attempt to truly connect with your child. When they are struggling or acting out, do you feel frustrated? Powerless? Uncomfortable? Do you find yourself rushing to correction because it feels safer, more controlled?

Instead of pushing those emotions away, bring them into your prayer time, your therapy sessions, or conversations with trusted friends. Ask God to reveal any lies you may believe about love, worth, and control. And ask for His guidance in modeling the same grace-filled connection He offers us.

Because at the end of the day, our greatest calling as parents is not just to raise well-behaved children—it is to reflect the heart of a God who sees, knows, and loves us unconditionally.

#ParentingWithGrace #ConnectionBeforeCorrection #FaithInParenting #ChristianParenting #SecureAttachment #BiblicalDiscipline